Hannah Griffith (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
argyle_princess) wrote2007-07-10 12:23 am
argyle_princess) wrote2007-07-10 12:23 am
(no subject)
Hannah thinks that Brennan is right about most things, and Hannah knows she's right about needing to eat and sleep and so on.
So Hannah eats. All right, Hannah mostly pushes soup around the bowl with her spoon, but she eats at least a third of it, and in her defense, it is a very large bowl.
She drinks all the juice.
She brushes her teeth, showers, works the tangles out of her hair, puts on mint green flannel pajamas provided by Bar, hangs her clothes in the bathroom so the wrinkles would fall out.
Small things that add up to living, right?
It would be nice to sleep, because sleeping is one way to stop thinking, and one that doesn't later involve having to join a twelve step program. Hannah is just not especially optimistic about it happening any time soon.
But she curls up on her side, arms and legs drawn in tight, blanket pulled up to nose, facing the chair Brennan is sitting in. There's some conversation about nothing in particular, but Hannah's replies get slower and shorter and less distinct, and (if she were awake to notice) she'd be surprised how quickly she falls asleep.
She stays very still for a long time, but eventually, (and gradually) she relaxes, uncurls.
She might be dreaming.
She also might now be drifting in that place between sleeping and waking, not quite dreaming but also not quite picking her thoughts.
Whatever it is, those thoughts are tumbled and jumbled and they don't quite fit together, like pieces of different puzzles dumped out onto the floor.
And then she sits bolt upright, gasping.
Whatever she was before, she's awake now.
So Hannah eats. All right, Hannah mostly pushes soup around the bowl with her spoon, but she eats at least a third of it, and in her defense, it is a very large bowl.
She drinks all the juice.
She brushes her teeth, showers, works the tangles out of her hair, puts on mint green flannel pajamas provided by Bar, hangs her clothes in the bathroom so the wrinkles would fall out.
Small things that add up to living, right?
It would be nice to sleep, because sleeping is one way to stop thinking, and one that doesn't later involve having to join a twelve step program. Hannah is just not especially optimistic about it happening any time soon.
But she curls up on her side, arms and legs drawn in tight, blanket pulled up to nose, facing the chair Brennan is sitting in. There's some conversation about nothing in particular, but Hannah's replies get slower and shorter and less distinct, and (if she were awake to notice) she'd be surprised how quickly she falls asleep.
She stays very still for a long time, but eventually, (and gradually) she relaxes, uncurls.
She might be dreaming.
She also might now be drifting in that place between sleeping and waking, not quite dreaming but also not quite picking her thoughts.
Whatever it is, those thoughts are tumbled and jumbled and they don't quite fit together, like pieces of different puzzles dumped out onto the floor.
And then she sits bolt upright, gasping.
Whatever she was before, she's awake now.
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"If it was me, if our places were reversed . . . I think I would want it to hurt. Isn't that an awful thing to say? Maybe I don't even mean it. I don't know. But I think that, at least for a little while, I would want it to hurt so much that he wouldn't be sure he could stand it. To be something that he didn't actually if there was a way to get over or around or through.
"Which I guess makes me a horrible person. But there it is."
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"It's only when something or someone means a great deal to us that it hurts when it's lost."
She makes an attempt at a smile.
"At the genetic level we're social creatures. We require emotional attachments, even though logic tells us that those attachments will all inevitably end someday, one way or another. But we form them anyway. It's one of the things that makes us human."
no subject
Hannah doesn't smile.
"You're right, though. I can't just stay here. If nothing else, it'll probably be easier to be some place he wouldn't be, anyway."
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The world where Hannah needs to be right now.
She nods. "I think you're right."
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"And you know I'm used to keeping odd hours, so don't worry about the time."
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"I think I'm gonna run," she says. "Then I'll worry about looking presentable enough to go back."
It's not that she thinks running will help much, it's just that she knows not running really won't help.
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"And then I do think you should call off sick when you get back. Go home and rest some more. And I'll call you this evening to check in."